I wonder… is it expecting too much of us, or not? After all, we are only human.

When was the last time that someone let you down, not just a little let down, but really badly so that you were left hurting, upset, angry, frustrated and stressed out by what happened? Such a thing has probably happened to all of us at some time or another. So what happens next?

A common thing that others may do for you is suggest all the horrible things you might imagine doing in retaliation. Lots of “deliciously horrible” ideas come to the fore, all those wicked things one might consider doing to give back those “just deserts” that should by rights be coming to the offender. The imagination can run wild and create all kinds of nasty little surprises as payback. There is some satisfaction, and even quite a few laughs at the more creative of the punishments, and then one begins to feel a little better - or is supposed to. And it is a harmless thing to do in order to feel better, isn’t it, because they are only imagined - not something that one would really do? But is it really that harmless?

Something of this nature happened to someone I know of recently, and sympathetic folks contributed a wealth of wicked suggestions. But my own experience is that these imaginings do not really help me that much. The satisfaction is short-lived, if it really ever existed at all. What this victim-perpetrator duel does do is to prolong the misery by continuing to engage with it. In a sense, one has handed over the puppet strings of one’s psyche to the person who dealt out the disservice and in allowing the strings to be pulled thus, accepted a form of diminished responsibility for oneself. Hitting back does not heal the hurt but keeps the wound open instead. One friend suddenly recognized this and apologized for her part in perpetuating the misery by this means, a loving act to counteract the earlier one.

But if you are that badly hurt and upset, it really is hard to put it aside and forgive. It is more human not to forgive sometimes, to hang on to hurts and suffer the misery of them instead. There can be a perverse satisfaction in being the injured party. It draws sympathy from others, especially those who are kind-hearted, but even more so from those who may take the opportunity to vicariously vent their own unforgiven hurts. Then a wise voice is heard saying “Let it go!” Letting it go is sensible damage control. “Take the moral high ground,” says another voice. And the wisest voice of all warned that what we do in thought is as dangerous as the deeds themselves. He said even more than that, perhaps the hardest thing of all and yet also the healthiest thing of all.

Jesus said…

Luke 6: 27 But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28 bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.

Luke 6: 31 Do to others as you would have them do to you. 32 If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even ’sinners’ love those who love them. 33 And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even ’sinners’ do that.