Twixters and Adulescence
A relatively new cultural phenomenon has appeared over the last generation which is stressing out some parents of young people and presenting implications for the shaping of society. Where once we had the transition stage between childhood and adulthood known as adolescence, there is now a futher transition stage appearing - advanced adolescence - which some call adulescence. These are the 18+ year olds who are resisting the acceptance of adult responsibility and want to continue their unhindered play right through to closer to 30 years of age.
The January 2005 edition of TIME magazine featured an article entitled “Meet the Twixters” and introduced the new trend of youngsters who are reluctant to grow up.
These “kidults” still live with their parents and hop around from job-to-job and relationship-to-relationship. They lack direction, commitment, financial independence, and personal responsibility. They are boomerang kids, adult teenagers, and they are much more than a generational hiccup or a temporary fad.
In fact, according to sociologists, psychologists, and demographers they are a permanent trend. So much so that many countries have already named them: they are called “Kippers” in England, “Nesthockers” in Germany, “Mammones” in France, and “Freeters” in Japan. In many countries they comprise over 20 percent of their age group, and the numbers are rising rapidly. In Italy, for instance, over 50% of young people over age 20 still live with their parents.
In America the percentage of 26-year-olds living with their parents has doubled since 1970, from 11% to 20%. That means one in five American 26-year-olds lacks the financial independence, personal responsibility, or courage to leave the shelter of their parent's roof.
It would seem that this is a product of affluent high-technology societies where youngsters have become accustomed to a comfortable standard of living without ever having to work for it themselves, plus a liking for “toys” with which they want to play for as long as they can. The toys are often those which isolate them from the real world, providing a substitute virtual world where they have the illusion of control and authority - again, without earning what their parents’ generation regard as a privilege based on the merit of achievement. They include computers and internet surfing, Game boys, flat-screen TV, video movies, iPods. With parents providing daily needs, any income earned is regarded discretionary and can be spent on these toys plus expensive cars, frequent eating out, designer clothes and numerous vacations. The emphasis is on “having fun” which is perceived as diametrically opposite to the idea of accepting responsibility and doing for others. What self-absorbed Twixter would want to give one thought to a house mortgage, a lawn to mow, a marriage commitment and children for whom to provide?
As usual, the blame tends to be put upon parents for providing too much for their offspring. It is customary to blame parents, and sometimes they do have a big part in the play - but not always. It is often forgotten that, in the normal course of ongoing psycho-social development, the peer group increasingly wields incredible influence and as well as that, there are other “outside influences” such as the education system, and the bombardment of media pushing current age social philosophies that includes consumerism and self-coddling materialism. You cannot wrap your children in cottonwool and keep them from being part of their generation, from exposure to the world, or from having a will and a mind of their own. And while we are busy blaming parents, we are perpetuating a large part of the problem - the denial of an individual’s self-responsibility. Indeed, taking responsibility for oneself is not a terribly fashionable attitude at present. After all, there is a reason for everything and so many ways by which to be let off the hook - my upbringing, my genes, the government, what someone else did or said, I didn’t know, I couldn’t help it, people shouldn’t behave that way to me, I have “rights” which were denied me, I am owed… and so forth. Many people (and definitely not only young folks) think more about what others can do for them than what they can do for others - and what their “rights” are more than their responsibilities. Maturity comes only when folk turn this the other way around, when they stop putting upon others, blaming others, or holding others responsible. Maturity comes when folk take responsibility for themselves - which is not what Twixters are very keen to do.
As a parent of a would-be Twixter, I am looking for ways to counter the phenomenon in my own youngster, and it is far from easy. It is quite the understatement, that being a good parent is one of the hardest jobs in the world. There is a tightrope to walk, and instead of a safety net below there is just a sea of pointing fingers and blaming mouths.
I have found something quite heartening just recently - the blog of teenager brothers, Brett and Alex, who are uncommonly perceptive and insightful youngsters willing to tackle this phenomenon from their Christian world view, appealing to their own generation to consider the consequences and take ownership of them. They offer some excellent ideas for doing just that, and the first in their series of six blog posts on the subject can be found here: Kidults (Part 1): Adolescence Is Permanent. Scroll down their right-hand sidebar and you will find links to the whole six blog posts they have written on this subject, plus other articles on related issues. You will also find that I have linked to their blog, The Rebelution, on my own left-hand sidebar under the heading “Other Worthy Blogs”. These youngsters are very good news.
As Alex and Brett write:
The kidult [twixter] mentality that uses Mom and Dad to subsidize an extravagant lifestyle is blatantly unbiblical. It directly violates the Fifth Commandment: “Honor your father and your mother.” Sometimes we need to be reminded that this commandment doesn’t expire at age 18. Kidults aren’t using their time at home to prepare for marriage or to serve others; they’re using it to stall and to serve themselves.
Parents are often held to ransom by their young adult children who would use them in such a way. No parent wants to see their child “living rough” out in the street, and turning out into such a situation that child whom you have nurtured and loved is an extremely difficult thing to do. But this is exactly the Tough Love that some parents are called upon to dispense, and the “how to”, “whether to” and “when to” is fraught with practical as well as emotional difficulties. Meanwhile, parents may suffer the frustration and despair of having their own lives impacted upon by another whose presence puts “in your face” the modern day sub-culture that espouses values often foreign to their own. The parental task of successfully launching their youngsters is delayed, not achieved, and may bring about a sense of bewilderment and failure with home becoming an inter-generational war zone rather than a place of peace and comfort for which they had hoped. Not all parents mind, of course. In some households there is mutual benefit in this situation. Perhaps it depends on the level of self-absorption and the degree of reciprocity that can make it work without too much tension. But in the overall scheme of things this still constitutes a delay in individual growth and development, the stalling of the inevitable, and a resultant reshaping of the nature of society. I’m not convinced that it is a good thing at all, but more a weakening of our moral character which will most likely bring about unfavourable repercussions in it’s wake.


I have just watched the DVD “Molokai - the story of Father Damien” on my computer and it is certainly a very moving and humbling experience. Have you ever seen the movie, or read of Father Damien? This is a true story about a young Belgian Roman Catholic priest who, in the late nineteenth century, saw his calling as living among the exiled lepers of the island of Molokai. His dedication to caring for others was wholehearted and unstinting, a story of unfaltering faith, obedience and sacrifice. Without wishing to create some kind of ranking scale here, I do think I will have to put him alongside Mother Theresa as one of those most inspiring Christians who lived according to their beliefs in ways that show the rest of us how well short of the mark we fall just coping with ordinary everyday matters. 
Four years ago now, which is still comparatively recent on many time scales, a leading organization in the field of national and international religious research and statistics was commissioned to conduct a survey on the beliefs of clergy of the Church of England.


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